Resigned
by NemKess
Summary: warnings: shonen ai, suicide themes. There is nothing that Issei wouldn't do for Jinpachi... No matter how much it hurt.


Title: Resigned  
Author/pseudonym: NemKess  
Fandom: Please Save My Earth  
Pairing: Jinpachi/Issei  
Rating: PG13  
Status: sequel to 'Tired', 'Troubled', and 'Accused and Enlightened'  
E-mail address for feedback:: nemsmuses@msn.com  
  


Disclaimers: Please Save My Earth belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head. ^_^

Notes: Still not done. I figure... One or two more stories? Maybe more. ^_^;; It depends on Nonny really. I'll stop when she's satisfied with letting me stop.

Summary: There's nothing Issei wouldn't do for Jinpachi, no matter how much it hurts.   
Warnings: shonen ai/yaoi, suicide themes

Previously

_With a grin he hurried towards the door that lead inside the hospital. Maybe there weren't any fireworks or earthquakes, but for once, everything seemed perfectly clear to him. _

_He was in love and had been for years._

_Now he just needed his friend to wake up so he could tell him that._

~*~*~

When I find myself on the bank of the river in the dreamland sanctuary inside my mind, I know that I am still among the living. My bid for peace, for freedom from my torment has been a dismal failure.

Why?

Why must you do this to me, Jinpachi?

All our many lives, you've been thoughtless and insensitive, but this is the first time you've ever been deliberately cruel.

You can't say that you don't know how I feel or the fate that I was trying to escape.

Even after they stabilized my body, I could hear Sarjalim calling me. Her voice was so sweet and she called to me, promising to end my pain. Promising that I would never have to endure this heartbreak again.

I was so close, Jinpachi!

So very close.

But you called me back.

You flooded my mind with your gentle care and harsh fear. Over and over again, your emotions called out to me, creating a cacophony that I couldn't ignore no matter how hard I tried...

And my first instinct... to comfort you when you're in distress.. .to try and make it better... Well.. It wouldn't allow me to ignore you for long. Not while your pain was feeling as vast as my own.

And so I turned back.

I turned away from the eternal peace that Sarjalim offered. 

Your presence in my sanctuary wasn't much of a surprise, even though I hadn't actually invited you in this time. None of my defenses work all that well against you anyways.

What you wanted... Surprise doesn't even begin to cover that. 

You want me to stay with you.

Damn you, Jinpachi.

How could you do this to me? 

For the first time in a hundred lifetimes, you've managed to convince yourself that you love me. That you don't care that we're both males and that your interest in Mokuran and Alice was nothing more than passing fancy. Passing fancies don't last two lifetimes.

You've always been such a fool, Jinpachi.

But then.... If you're a fool, what does that make the man in love with you?

Merely foolish got left behind a few dozen lifetimes ago.

I am far worse than a fool.

You want me to stay with you. You want the chance to try and love me.

I have never been able to deny you anything.

Not even when it will probably end up shattering what little remains of my heart and soul.

~*~*~

Issei awoke to faint light and a snuffling snore. For a few minutes, he held perfectly still, allowing his empathy to readjust itself to the living world full of unshielded people and their pain. His chest tightened at the thought that he could have avoided this. Death would not only have ended his endless cycle of heartbreak, it would have ended this as well. Empathy was more of a curse than a blessing.

Soon enough, a more physical ache was making itself known and he turned his attention to his bandaged arms. Heavy gauze covered them from palm to mid-bicep. He gave a brief sigh of regret and resignation before focusing on the source of the snoring.

Jinpachi.

The blonde head rested practically against his shoulder and the tanned hand had was grasping at his fingertips. 

Silence stretched out, broken only by the beep-beep of the heart monitor and the gentle sound of his companion's snoring, while Issei stared at the hand barely touching his own.

He released another sigh, affection and desolation mingling in his eyes, and readjusted their hands so that his pale fingers were tangled fully with darker ones.

Closing his eyes, he filtered out the fear and guilt that filled the room and instead allowed Jinpachi's affection and need wash over his senses. Soothed by the warm presence, both physical and mental, he slipped back into a healing sleep.


End file.
